At the end of the night, I used to spend every wedding reception thinking about what song my dad and I would have our dance to. I’d see other people’s first looks with their own fathers and think about how excited my dad would be to see me on my wedding day. I’d do family sessions and see how the grandpa interacted with his grandchildren, and would think “I can’t wait to see how fun of a grandpa my dad is going to be.” My client’s daughter would stand with her dad and practice slow dancing to a sweet song, and I’d remember the first time my dad had me stand on his shoes in our living room before the father daughter dance in first grade. On June 2nd, 2019 I realized many of the father’s speeches, first looks, and dances I had witnessed and visualized for myself for the last twenty years weren’t going to happen to me.